[WRITTEN IN 2009, HIDDEN IN DRAFTS EVER SINCE]
My name is Badger and I’m a depressive. Permanently and terminally, although unfashionably mono-polar. I’ve been on more anti-depressants than I can remember over the last 15 years, I’ve had counselling, CBT, kicks up the backside, support, love and nothing has made it go away. Infuriating isn’t it? Almost like I’m doing it deliberately…
I’ve been through the various phases of depression throughout my 40-*coff* years on the planet
denial – “I’m just a bit stressed”
grudging acceptance – “Oh well I’ll take the pills for a while”
pride – “who wants to be normal?”
rage – “why me?! I just want to be normal”
sometimes all in one day. An hour even.
Just recently though there has been some kind of fundamental shift. After a horrendous year involving abandonment, sexual confusion, despair, breakdown and near-suicide something has changed. I’ve reached equilibrium. And now I’m going to kick out the supports under my carefully restored sanity by uprooting myself and my daughter and moving 200 miles away.
This blog will document our journey, emotional and physical, our joys and sorrows and now I sound like an X-Factor contestant. How about “This is the story of a miserable cantankerous mare”
I like badgers, folk music, rock, cats, my family, my friends, nature, cider, books, beaches, classical music, the colour green, chocolate, ham sandwiches, my computer, and some other stuff. Not necessarily in that order.